“My Ladies Are In Cages” A Story About My Bipolar Twins

I miss my friends. I know They’re not “friends” per se but my other halves. Tonight I’m pining for Them.

I crawled out of bed, stood and watched my beautiful family sleep. The two dogs snuggled up in the comfort of my husband while the air conditioner hums. They look so peaceful. I love them. But here I am, not a part of that divine dream session.

I’m alone in my office, my only comfort is a dim light and a pen. Trying to evoke my “friends” I haven’t seen for so long. Is this being a medicated Bipolar person? 

At least when I was crazy I had the pleasure of feeling emotions to their deepest depths. Now they are shallow. Just bobbing along with society.

Where are my twins? I feel like I’ve stifled Them because that’s what I’m told to do, because that’s what’s safe.

Being safe isn’t worth losing my deep love affair with the farthest reach of human emotion.

I’ve quieted the monsters.

They’ve been subdued in their cages.

I have to visit.

I see The Dark One (Depression) weeps with Her head on the ground. The Loud One (Mania) waits and watches for any glimpse or sound.

I walk down the aisle to see what I’ve mastered. I don’t observe Them with fear like before. They are behind bars, looking at me. Pleading to be released...and I want to give in to Their lure.

I caress the Sad Ones cheek between the bars. She grips me with Her icy fingers, desperate. 

“Let me chill you. Just one last time.” She wants to make love to me off of a rooftop. I know this - so I kiss Her goodbye for now.

The Lively One wants the attention now. Sultry and sexy, She calls for me. To play with Her again would be worth flushing all my medication down the drain.

But the closer I get to Her cage...She gets angry, filled with rage that I’ve locked Her antics away. Like a Siren She beckons me to open the gate once more, screams for the doctors to go fuck themselves and let Us have Our fun.

I miss Her the most. Tears slide down my cheek as I let Her tongue my lips through the bars. 

“I miss you too” I gasp. But I pull away reluctantly. She rips at Her skin in anger. Beats Her chest for freedom.

My friends. My lovers. I’ve locked Them away all to lead a normal life.

But I leave the light on.

Because I can’t let go.

They both get up to smile as I walk towards the stairs. Leaning against Their entrapments, gleaming a suspicious sparkle in Their eyes. Because they know One or the Other will see the light again. One day.

And maybe, perhaps, I loosened the bolts along my visit...because it’s getting lonely up here.