Perseverance and Perspective until Victory
Today I'd like to thank my father, Christopher, for my work ethic, drive, fire and audacity. Maybe it's genetics, maybe it's the way he raised me; but I wouldn't be a woman who can eat fucking nails for breakfast just to walk out the door and love thy neighbors wholesomely if he wasn't my dad. Happy Father's Day.
Today I spent studying Burgundy again. Mostly because I absolutely bombed my last exam. I’m not sure what I did wrong but Burgundy is a beast that I obviously didn’t delve into it deep enough to conquer. This week I will stay in the books, this is a lot more difficult than I thought but the thing is - I love when things get hard. My brain keeps telling me I’m not smart enough and there’s no way I can do this but I don’t listen to that nonsense. My heart and soul are cheering me on and those two will get my brain in line. Put your head down and push, work hard, accept failure but never give up. I’m not the brightest bulb but I am fighting tooth and nail to get myself right.
On a positive note my new job in Manhattan begins at the end of the month and I’m so excited to start learning from someone I haven’t known for long but truly look up to. I uprooted everything to come back to my city and learn about wine and it’s been trying. But now I’ve found what feels like a home. A team that cares and loves and works hard. Sometimes I feel like I’m not cut out for this career but everything I do, I do with fire and I’m hoping that drive and love will make all the hard work feasible.
I won’t be able to walk without crutches for about 6 weeks but I’m useful in an office role at the least, I just want to be as much help as possible right now. It’s very depressing being immobile. I've been worried the accident and immobility would trigger something detrimental with my Bipolar. I'm hanging in there though. I just didn’t think it would take this kind of toll on me. I think I’ve gone through the shock and anger so now, at this point, I just want to go. I want to be normal. Do normal things. Work hard and do what I do. I guess it’s being stir crazy but I’m honestly trying as hard as I possibly can between educating myself on work and school. It’s just a lot. No one ever wants to admit they're overwhelmed. But I'm so overwhelmed.
But I can do this.