1 Month of Microdosing Later
So it will be exactly a month ago tomorrow that I began microdosing LSD every 3 days as an alternative to prescription medication to keep my Bipolar 1 and Borderline Personality Disorder in check. I made this decision when I was faced with two options, be medicated or try psychedelics as an alternative. I say this all the time but I have to make it clear every time I speak about this, I’m not against medication for mental illnesses. It’s a personal conviction that I explore more than what is recommended for my disease when it comes to pharmaceuticals. I chose this path because I’m extremely experienced with psychedelics and I know how they affect me. I don’t know if they are always viable options, especially for someone with a mental illness. But this was my choice and my experience over the past month.
So typically, I would have to have a heavy psychedelic trip 1-2 times a month to avoid having severe Bipolar episodes. I learned that the hard way when I went 4 months with zero psychedelic medication and had a psychotic break. It’s clear by my past and by medical standards that I need a medication regime for my BP1 and BPD. The past month of microdosing ~ 20μg LSD every 3 days has been promising. (I started with 25μg, reduced to 12.5μg, and finally settled on a 17.5μg dose every three days)
My upswings and downswings have been minimal and not drastic enough to negatively impact my day to day function. This says a lot because both ups and downs have rendered me incapable of functioning normally in society previously. I can tell on days I dose that I’m more grounded and connected to my thoughts and emotions. That’s not something to take for granted when living with BP1.
On days I felt detached or depressed but would take my medication, within an hour or so things would shift. I was able to connect again and feel like myself. Just to be clear on anyone not aware, microdosing doesn't mean you're "tripping" or "high". The dose is below threshold, there's no noticeable psychedelic affects. Also, something huge, my suicidal ideation has been reduced. It was almost an every day obsession for me and that hasn't been the case this month.
My rage was noticeably reduced. I’m able to notice my anger and where it’s coming from more easily. Whether it be justified or a product of my illness. I think that’s the most important thing I can stress in this post: I know where my emotions are coming from. That sentence almost brings tears to my eyes. So many years of living in a world of hell and chaos in my mind, to know when and why my emotions are happening is life changing for me.
I’ve noticed this month I can more easily pinpoint if I’m becoming depressive and why, more angry and why, more hyper and why. I can tell my mood shifts and am more connected to my brain and also able to control them better. I have less feelings of dissociation, the only way I can describe it is to feel more grounded.
Going a month without a severe episode is huge for me. I was turned away by doctors because of my choice to use alternative psychedelic medicine which was disappointing and, to be honest, hurtful. I don’t think psychedelics have been explored in-depth for severe Bipolar Disorder or personality disorders. But I'm going to continue my research because it’s not that I feel “normal” - I feel in control. Something I never thought I would be. I wasn’t a slave to my brain this month. I wasn’t a slave to this disease.
Resources: Please check out this subreddit all about microdosing and look forward to the podcast I will doing with The Third Wave about my microdosing research. Also as always, keep up with MAPS and what they're doing to benefit the world of psychedelic medicine.