Slut-Shaming: Pornstars Are People Too

Are we in 2015 or have I been transported back in time? How have we not learned to coexist yet? I knew coming into the adult industry that there would be controversy but I was sorely mistaken in just how much. I should have known how judgmental society is. People are sheepish and demonize anything they don't agree with instead of accepting that the beautiful thing about being human is that we're all different. I'm glad slut-shaming has gained more and more recognition over the years. Finally it's being spoken about loudly and powerfully. As we grow we should be teaching tolerance but it seems we're becoming more intolerable. The horrific actions of rapists are being condoned because of the length of a woman's skirt. Fellow adult performers are assaulted and it's deemed socially acceptable because of their profession. A persons sexuality is being challenged just as harshly as people's skin color or sexual orientation. The ignorant stereotypes surrounding men and women in the adult industry are creating a nonexistent right to dehumanize them. I and many others have been victims of these predetermined notions from small scale offenses to down right disturbing actions. The negative people creating this rift in humanity are the reason I love what I do. One day you will all see that there has been a foot in your mouth your entire life and I will be standing there when you spit it out.

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Slut-shaming is the act of making a person feel guilty or inferior for certain sexual behaviors, circumstances, or desires that deviate from traditional or orthodox gender expectations, or that which may be considered to be contrary to natural or religious law (Wikipedia definition). Really take in this definition. Even the first couple words should throw up a red flag. If your sole intent when saying something is to make another person feel inferior, you're already wrong. Continuing, we read that somehow in the grand scheme of life someone has determined that we're only allowed to have certain desires. You're kidding me, right? I may only be speaking for myself but since when are there expectations for my inner most thoughts. I don't feel a certain way about you because you don't like double penetration so in turn let's not burn me at the stake because I thoroughly enjoy it. Slut-shaming is teaching younger generations to not only be intolerant but to hurt those who you don't agree with. How do you explain that a man who sleeps with a hundred women is a legend but a woman who sleeps with half that amount is an undesirable whore? This is a favorite quote of the ignorant zombies: "a key that opens many locks is a master key but a lock that is opened by many keys is a broken lock". How eloquent. I'm glad the only defense you have to the audacity of slut-shaming is to refer to humans as inanimate objects and completely remove any human element regarding the situation. Basically this lifetime epidemic of condemning promiscuity and sexuality is letting everyone know that they are free to be themselves as long as society approves. I've lived out my teen angst years, this isn't about fighting the man or the system because I can't smoke pot behind the bleachers. This about fighting the man and the system that is determining my value as a human based on what happens below my belt. Let's flip the situation and look at people who are actually detrimental to society i.e. rapists who have benefited from slut-shaming. Full grown adults in charge of our justice system actually blame a rape victim on their outfit or outward sexuality for the reason they're sexually assaulted. Are we trying to scare people into conformity by condoning horrible acts of violence if they don't obey? Thinking about all the sexual assault victims who have been paraded around as a warning against freedom of sexuality makes me physically ill. We all hold the same worth as fellow human beings no matter our color, creed or cock count.

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If you thought wearing a short skirt was enough, look at the perception of adult performers. I even know well spoken feminists who fight against slut-shaming but the line is drawn at sex workers. Even to the people who fight against social conformities deem us socially unacceptable. Is there a dark side and light side of sexual freedom? Or do I scare you because I am so public, so sure of myself and have done a swan dive into a pool of controversy. It pains me to see how many people have turned against victims of assault in the adult industry. Let's bring the well known tragic occurrence of retired adult actress Christy Mack to light. There was one quote that was singed into my mind after this happened. "Well, Mack should have expected this to happen because of her job." My blood boils every time I think about an actual person uttering those words. There's literally no fact in that statement. If she was a cashier, a waitress or a secretary everyone would have been up in arms but solely because she's a performer she should expect to be beaten near to death? People with that kind of disregard for human life should feel what it's like to be beaten near to death. The porn industry isn't a world of gangs, mob money, drugs, violence and womanizers. It's a real, professional, on the books, tax paying, woman friendly operation that all of us very willingly became a part of. To say an adult actress should expect to be beaten or raped is like saying a lawyer should expect to be attacked by a wild boar, the profession and the assault literally have no correlation. Here's the fact: no one has more of a right to be brutally assaulted because of their choice of career or bed partner. I don't care if you're a Virgin Mary or Mary Magdalene.

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Not only are adult performers grouped into the "allowed to be raped and beaten" category but also many more wonderfully ignorant notions follow us around. Apparently we all have a low self esteem. It's believed that because we use our bodies in our every day jobs that we're seeking approval and acceptance because there's nothing to our personality. It's never occurred to these people that we love our bodies as a certain form of art and our strong and confident personalities allow us to express ourselves sexually in the face of judgement and scorn. While researching how the every day asshole really feels about pornstars I read "they are all drug addicted lying whores". Hm. Tell me how you really feel. Let's understand the fact that there are drug addicts, liars and whores in every work place around the world. Of course you'll find unsavory characters in the adult industry but funny story.. you can find them on Wall Street or down the street at Denny's. Another well known stereotype is that we are unintelligent, porn must be a last ditch effort to not become a college drop out living under a bridge. I don't know where the people who say this are getting their facts. I've met wonderful men and women on set who were lawyers, engineers, teachers, Ivy League graduates, spiritual leaders and from many other walks of life. Some have career goals after pornography and some of their career goals are pornography, either way the myth of universal pornstar stupidity is laughable. All these stereotypes and assumptions make an ass out of you and not me. 

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Sadly I and many others are dehumanized for our choice of profession. On a small scale I'll tell you what an acquaintance from high school told me after he found out I was in porn: "I wish I had sex with you when we were in school just so I could say I had sex with you now that you're in porn". I almost vomited in my mouth at this statement. First of all, where in God's name do you get the idea I would have fucked you in high school. Your ignorance is almost outweighed by your stupidity. Second of all, I'm not a soccer trophy that you can wave in front of your disgusting friends. I was offended by such a pig remark. It doesn't seem like a big deal but I'm not going to condone wanting to use a real human being like they have no worth except bragging rights. If I became a soccer mom or something he wouldn't have felt it acceptable to disrespect me like that. I hope who said that to me is reading this because you're what's wrong with the world. Another performer I've had the pleasure of meeting is Alexis Blaze. She recently told me something horrific that happened to her because of how socially acceptable it is to treat adult actresses as less than human. Her quote: "I had a guy yell at me for not wanting to fuck him. He said 'pornstars are easy, what if I just throw you some money?' After that he threatened to rape me because 'who would believe me'". This is how we're seen. Not as strong, independent women who have the right to express our sexuality. Not as fellow humans who have the right to decide who we do or do not have sex with. We're seen as defenseless animals to objectify. Our job is our choice and so are all of our other sexual experiences.

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So let's stop making people wear a scarlet letter. Let's fight for equality across the board. We're all of the same creation and matter but we fight and condemn like we're viscous animals. Your inability to coexist peacefully is more offending than every porno movie on the shelves. Slut-shaming is an epidemic teaching intolerance. Our generations to come are being taught that self expression is only acceptable if society finds it acceptable. The accountability of violent sexual offenders is lost and a detrimental amount of blame is placed on their victims. Even people who defend victims of slut-shaming draw their line at the adult industry. They're more accepting of brutal crimes against adult performers. The lack of universal respect for each other is dismantling our humanity. Ignorant stereotypes are untruthfully supporting this dogma against sex workers. We're being dehumanized and are prime targets to be victimized. I've seen all shapes and sizes of assholes in my line of work but you people are by far the most distasteful.