Naked & Unashamed (Microdosing a Psychedelic for Mental Illness)

I was experiencing a down curve for the past few days. The depression hit earliest in the morning and made functioning next to impossible. The hope that's been researched behind microdosing psychedelics is something I've been interested in for a long time but never pursued. But now I will. My day leads to a thought provoking hike about what it truly means to be naked in ourselves and unashamed of it.

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Dark Bar & Dark Moods

Sometimes we, as humans, just want to crawl into a dark hole in the wall and wallow in self pity. I've always felt like an outcast; no matter who loves me, marries me or is related to me. It's a symptom of Borderline Personality Disorder. I have to take it in stride. I was alone in a crowded bar full of people, but if this makes sense - I went there looking for trouble so I could test myself to not get into trouble.

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What It's Like Having a Job and Having a Mental Illness

Keeping a job and being successful with a job are two things that are difficult on a normal, every day basis. Throwing mental disorders into that while trying to juggle reality with not falling apart at work doesn't make the situation any better. I'm defintley on a down slope right now which makes sense why I'm feeling this way. It's just not easy being an indpendent adult when you're fighting your own mind.

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DO YOU KNOW WHAT LOVE IS?

So many questions and queries about love. That's been going on since the beginning of time. Why is it so complicated? Why are girls always searching for this non existent perfect guy and why are guys searching for this hassle free woman? Love is painted as something that should come easily when it's something difficult. Something to work on. It needs to be kneaded, molded, built and sustained.

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OUT OF THE DARKNESS

Mental illness isn't something anyone wants to talk about, even today. We've come so far as a society but the stigma attached to anyone who suffers from addiction, depression or anxiety is still strong. My life has been a rollercoaster of signs that ultimately have led me to the realization that I do suffer from mental illness. I've been at rock bottom and now I finally feel that I've risen above all my transgressions. I feel free.

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It's Time To Learn That We Never Stop Learning

I discuss the divide my father and I have been experiencing because of my career path but we finally find peace together. I'm crowned with the award "Starlet of the Year" during the 2015 Inked Awards. I talk about how porn and work ethic go hand in hand. I discuss my relationship, what it's like being in love and being in porn and we have a big announcment! I got to be back in NYC so of course I let you guys know how much that warmed my heart. 

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